I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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