I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
