You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
