I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
