I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
