What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
