rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
