I think I am morally bankrupt
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
