My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
