the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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