someone get that fucking seahorse.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
