the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
