people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
