They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
