Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
