He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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