she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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