If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to align my fucking chakras
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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