I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
