every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
