I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
