Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
