dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
