I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
