you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
