So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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