can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
