I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
