theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
