Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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