I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
this hospital has no fireball
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
