WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
