thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
