I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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