i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
