HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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