Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My vagina is officially offended.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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