How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
