dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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