i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
