i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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