did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
