Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Damn victory sex feels great
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
