Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
