That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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