I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
