while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
