sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He did a backflip because drugs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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