I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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