Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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