I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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